


Every Time You Move To The Beat It Gets Harder For Me

by Emmiliosis



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-24 16:47:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15634716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmiliosis/pseuds/Emmiliosis
Summary: I glanced over at Luke and Michael playing their hearts out. Michael must have felt my eyes on him, because as I watched him playing so passionately, he looked over to me. He gave me a wide grin, then looked towards them and back at me. He was the only one who knew how I felt, but I didn’t want to wreck a good thing. When you’ve been best friends for years, and you’ve got that dynamic that works, why mess with it? Even if I do get lost in those eyes.





	1. Prelude

All I could do was watch as we played for them. They were dominating the stage. I was so mesmerised by their stage presence and how they engaged with everyone. 

I couldn’t help thinking back to everything they had gone through, everything they had accomplished, and how I had been part of their journey. How I had grown with them, and how everyone else had been impacted over the years. 

I glanced over at Luke and Michael playing their hearts out. Michael must have felt my eyes on him, because as I watched him playing so passionately, he looked over to me. He gave me a wide grin, then looked towards them and back at me. He was the only one who knew how I felt, but I didn’t want to wreck a good thing. When you’ve been best friends for years, and you’ve got that dynamic that works, why mess with it? Even if I do get lost in those eyes.

As they finished, and we all set up for our final song, they walked over to me, sticking out their tongue as I switched to my bass instead of the keyboard. I made one of my infamous faces, and they laughed as they passed to grab their water bottle. 

As Michael introduced the last song, I couldn’t help but feel my arms tighten thinking about the lyrics. I mean, I had helped write it about them, but they would never know.

I guess I have some explaining to do, huh?

I mean, who knew Calum Hood could ramble on so much without really giving any information?

So, lets go back to 2013.


	2. 1

I slowly opened my eyes, not ready to wake up, and thinking I still had a few minutes before the alarm clock went off. I reached for my phone, and when I saw the time, I stared at it for a good minute before it registered. When it did, I jumped out of bed, and ran for my closet. I had overslept, my alarm hadn’t gone off, and I was due to FaceTime with someone that doesn’t have much spare time in only a few minutes. 

I threw my shirt off, and quickly clasped on my bra. I scanned my closet, and finally saw what I was looking for. I pulled on a blouse with corset sides to emphasize my waist and pulled on a pair of denim shorts underneath. Not like he would see me waist down, but I had a couple things to do after, so may as well get ready now, right? 

My red knock off converse were tied as my phone started blaring “Call Me Maybe.” I snorted, thinking how appropriate it was. I never knew what would come out the speakers, because he had changed my setting on my phone, so it would pick a new song from a playlist he had linked to my phone every time he called, or sent a text, or anything. 

I pressed accept as I propped my phone up against a couple textbooks on my desk. 

“Hey, tool, what’s up?”

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed a hair elastic from a box on the desk, pulling my long messy hair into a bun. “Funny. At least you don’t call me Dove.”

Niall laughed. “True, you always cringe at that. How’s Devin doing, by the way?”

Devin is my best friend. We’ve known each other for a few years, I can’t remember how many anymore. He was one of the few that accepted the weird girl in high school.

Wait. You know a lot about everything around me, but not really me. I’ll try to keep it short. 

I’m Mary-Ellen. I’m 21, blue eyed with brown hair, but I haven’t had my natural hair colour for a while. Right now, it’s a strong red colour. I’m 5’5”, but I try to tell people I’m an inch taller. I’m the oldest of 8 kids, but they’re all half and step siblings. The youngest is less than a year old. I’m currently going to university in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I’m in an apartment near campus. I have two jobs during the school year, and three over the summer, which is where we are now. Who am I talking to? Niall Horan. Yes, from One Direction. I was going through a shit time the past few years, and my choir director somehow got in contact with the band and I got to meet them. I hit it off with all of them, but Niall and I have a connection. He gets me without trying. And no, I don’t like him romantically. I see him as another younger brother. I like funky clothes, and hate looking like other people. Despite my looks, I’m quiet, I’m sometimes withdrawn. I’m good at being in my own world. I sing, and recently I’ve been teaching myself piano and guitar. 

Right now, It’s July 8, 2013. Niall and the guys are due to arrive later today in the city for their Take Me Home tour. They’re here for a couple of days, and we have plans for me to stay with them. It took so much convincing at work, but all three jobs gave me time off for five days, so I still had a couple days to myself. 

“Devin’s good,” I said as I pulled at some of my hair, so my bangs fell out of the bun. I chewed my lip ring as I turned my attention to my phone. “What time are you guys due to get to the arena to set up? I want to get there with you, but also need a Starbucks run.”

“We’re set to be there in a couple hours. Stuck at security at the airport right now. Having fun with two bands from outside the continent trying to get through customs.”

I made a face. “Yuck. How’s that going by the way?”

Before he could answer, Niall went out of the camera’s view. It looked like someone had taken his phone. I saw a bleach blonde head appear at the top of my screen, followed by a pair of green eyes. The phone was flipped, and I found myself face to face with one of the members of One Direction’s opening band, 5 Seconds of Summer. 

“Hi! How are you?”

I grinned, giving a thumbs up as three other boys came into the shot. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Taking Niall’s phone is fun. He talks to hot girls on here.” A guy with thick floppy bangs said. 

I made a face. The way I grew up, I never believed anything positive said about me, and to hear it from people I didn’t know, it was just awkward.

“Thanks? What did you do to Niall, by the way?”

I saw a hand wave from the left side of the screen. “I’m good, Mary-Ellen!”

All four boys looked to be in shock. “Wait, this is Mary-Ellen?” the bleach blonde asked.

I raised my eyebrows and smiled. “Yep. I’ll be seeing you guys in a bit.”

“Oh cool! I’m Michael, this is Ashton, that’s Luke, and that special snowflake is Calum.”

“I’m not a snowflake! I’m a sassy bitch,” Calum said defiantly, sticking his nose in the air. I snorted. 

“Awesome. Can I get Niall back? I want to speak to him before I head out to meet you guys.”

“Fiiiiiiiine,” Michael groaned before holding the phone towards Niall. He grabbed it and I saw his braces as he laughed at what had happened.

“So, Calum’s a sassy bitch, huh?” I asked as I pulled out my mirror and makeup bag.

“Yeah, he’s actually pretty cool, they all are. You’ll definitely get along with all of them. They write a lot of their own music, and they don’t even have a full album out yet. But they’re crazy talented. I’ll send you their music. You can always do with them what you did with me and the lads, yeah?”

“What, sing their music and blow them away and have them wonder why I wasn’t in the band from the beginning?” I asked jokingly, stroking an invisible beard. 

Niall laughed. “Yeah, that. But seriously. Calum wrote a song on his own, try that one.”

Someone called Niall’s name behind him, and he waved to say he heard them.

“Sorry, I gotta go, but that just means we see each other sooner, right?”

I nodded. “Exactly. Send their music, I want to hear it and not look like a jackass at the concert!”

“You’re not a jackass, you’re just a tool.”

Thanks, Niall. I’ll see you in a bit!” I pressed end and started at my eyeliner. It only took five years to get liquid eyeliner right. As I finished, my phone buzzed with a new email. I opened it to find files with music from Niall. I downloaded them, grabbed my bag, and headed out the door to see some old friends and meet some new ones while I was at it.


	3. 2

“And If the earth ends up crumbling down to its knees and baby   
We just gotta get out   
We just gotta get out   
And If these skyscrapers, tumble down and crash around and baby   
We just gotta get out   
We just gotta get out” 

I was tapping my foot along to the beat as I used my fingers to feel out chords on an imaginary guitar neck. This song was so catchy. They all were, but this one stood out more than the others, and I couldn’t put my finger on how or why.

As the bus stopped, I stood up, having to squish through the crowd to get off and catch the subway to the arena. I think that’s the one thing I don’t like about the city. I love the freedom I have, that there’s always something going on, but I could do without the crowded public transit. 

I took my Beats off my ears and slung them around my neck to listen for them calling the subway lines. As I did, I saw out of the corner of my eye a poster advertising the bands’ concerts over the next couple of days. I smiled, thinking of everything that I’d gone through to get to where I was. I remember one friend telling me that I’d gone through what most people wouldn’t experience or ever dream about in their lifetime. 

As I thought back to everything, it was overwhelming. I shook my head and turned back to the announcements. I couldn’t walk into the arena looking like I just bawled my eyes out. The next couple days weren’t for me, they were for everyone. 

I finally heard my line get called, and I pushed my way towards the tracks. 

**

I arrived early, and I flashed the pass that Niall had mailed me to get me through security. I was told they hadn’t arrived yet, which was fine by me. I asked if the stage had been set up, and I got a nod in response. I thanked the guard and made my way through the maze of halls to the arena. 

When I finally found myself on stage, I sat on the edge, Niall’s guitar in hand. I knew he wouldn’t mind. He had been working on teaching me over facetime, and I hoped I’d be able to show him how much I had picked up on. I pulled a notebook out of my backpack, opening it to a particular page, and started strumming out chords. I’d been working on lyrics for a song, and I wanted to test it out with proper acoustics. 

“Those lights are bright and blinding, so I’m invisible”

I finally gave up on the guitar and just belted out the chorus I had come up with so far.

“I never thought that I’d feel this way  
When I don’t even know him, it’s hard to explain  
He is so Hollywood, on top of the world  
Want to love him but I can’t, because to him I’m just another girl”

I kept trying out different harmonies, trying to find something that fit perfectly. I lost track of the time, and just lost myself in the music. I didn’t realize that people had started to arrive. I sighed as I crossed my legs, burying my face into my hands in my lap.

“That sounded awesome. Your voice is really cool.”

I jumped at the sound of an accented voice, but not the British or Irish I was expecting. I turned towards the voice and saw a tall figure with dark hair walking up the steps at the side of the stage. I cocked my head to the side, trying to place the voice. Then I remembered.

“Hey, sassy bitch. What’s up?”

He grinned, a hand running across the back of his neck as I watched his dark skin develop a red glow across his cheeks. 

“Yeah, that’s me. I swear I’m not normally like that. I think the jet lag is starting to hit. Thank God we get a day before performing again.”

I laughed, pushing myself into a standing position on stage. “Yeah, I get that. It’s fine. So, proper introductions. I’m Mary-Ellen.” I held out my hand as we walked towards each other.

“Calum.” He grasped my hand firmly, smiling at me. He was towering over my short figure. His eyes squinted a bit s he watched my eyes. “Your eyes are beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen blue that…. Blue, for lack of better words.”

I laughed again. I don’t know how but I just felt comfortable, and that doesn’t normally happen for me. “Thanks. I hear that a lot, but mainly from my mom. She doesn’t count.”

He gave me a lopsided smile as more people joined us. I felt arms wrap around my sides and pull me into a strong chest. I recognized the stubble rubbing across my cheek and turned to find an excited Irishman trying to contain his energy from finally seeing one of his closest friends after over a year apart. 

I squealed, turning straight into him so my chest was against his as I gave him a hug, wrapping my arms as tightly as I could around him. 

“How’s the tool doing?”

I smacked his back, and he whimpered, acting like it hurt. I hugged the remainder of One Direction, then turned to face 5 Seconds of Summer, my arm still laced through Louis’, who I hugged last. 

Louis introduced them, one by one. As I met each boy officially, I hugged each one, ending with Calum. 

“We heard you singing, by the way, as we came in. You’re sick,” Ashton said once introductions were over. 

“Thanks,” I grinned up at him. “Maybe sometime we can sing together. I’ve heard some of your songs and they’re really good. How long have you been together?”

Michael answered. “All four of us, less than two years.”

My eyes widened, giving them an impressed look. “Wow, not a lot of people can make that kind of music with so little time together. That’s really cool!”

Louis pulled me in for a side hug.

“You can interrogate them more tonight, we’re all getting together in mine and Liam’s room. Not really a party, but a few beers, just having some down time.”

I squeezed back. “Sounds good. As long as there’s Pepsi, I’m fine.”

Niall laughed. No problem, it’s already on the order we sent room service ahead of time. Ashton’s the only one legal of those lads, his birthday was yesterday. The rest of them get their own Pepsi.”

I gaped, not believing they’re all as young as Niall said. “That young, that little together, and STILL making amazing music? I’m impressed.”

“Yeah, you’ll find more out about us later, don’t want to spill it all at once!” Luke winked as he chimed into the conversation.

“Speaking of which, we were sent in here as a search party for you, we’re heading to the hotel now, we dropped everything we didn’t need in the dressing rooms for tomorrow,” Louis said. “Who’s ready to kick back?”


	4. 3

We had been at the hotel for awhile. When I checked my watch, it read 10:30. All of us had crowded into one room, watched a few movies, ate pizza, and drank beer and Pepsi to our hearts content. 

Michael had come up with the idea of a truth game. Everyone had to write down questions for specific people in the room. We used an empty beer bottle as the spinner. One person spins, and it lands on another. A question is asked. Once answered, that person spins for another person. 

So far, we had found out that Ashton really did have a daddy kink, that if Niall could live anywhere outside the UK and major music cities, he’d choose Toronto to be my roommate, and that Luke was bi-curious. 

Luke spun the bottle, and it landed on me as I took a swig of Pepsi. I have a weird habit of sloshing fizzy drinks around in my mouth until they’re flat before I swallow, so when Luke asked, “What led you to meeting One Direction?”, I nearly did a spit take and choked at the same time. 

Once I finished coughing, I gave Niall a nervous glance. I was seated between Ashton and Calum, and they both had looks of a mixture of amusement and concern across their faces. Niall gave me a nervous glance back, knowing I didn’t like talking about anything that happened leading up to the day I met them. 

I stuttered, not sure how to reply. I didn’t want to look like a dick, Luke and Ashton had both said personal things. 

“Um, I … I need to stretch my legs. I’ll be back.”

I walked out of the room, making sure to grab one of the key cards on my way. Before the door finished closing, I could already hear Luke apologising profusely and Niall assuring him that it wasn’t his fault, that it was just a sensitive subject. 

I wandered the floor until I found the elevator, and I pushed the button to go up. As I waited, I heard someone jogging up the hall. I huffed out, keeping my eyes down. 

“I’m fine, Niall, I just need time to process. I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell them about that part of my life. Really, who would want to know all that drama so soon? Automatic turn off, distancer, you know?”

“If you’re not ready, you don’t have to tell us anything. Sorry if it seemed abrupt, pretty sure that question was on all of our lists.”

I startled at the familiar Aussie accent. I peeked out of the corner of my eye and saw the thick, dark hair. 

“Just know what happened in the past doesn’t define your future. Doesn’t define how we see you because we aren’t in the past. We’re in the here and now.” I felt him moving closer to me, slowly as if not to make me run off. As his words sunk in, I felt my eyes well up with tears. 

I moved my hands to cross over my chest and grab my arms. I kept my head down and spun slightly so my forehead was resting against Calum’s chest. He tensed but relaxed quickly to bring his hands to my shoulders and pull me in for a hug.

The ding from the arriving elevator brought me back. I pulled back and Calum dropped his arms. 

“You can come with me if you want,” I said as I stepped inside to ride to the roof. Calum nodded and stepped in beside me. 

The ride up was quiet, and once we made it to the roof, I was the first person off, heading to one of the benches near the edge. Calum followed me, sitting almost instantly when I did. I stared out over the city, watching the skyline. I always managed to find myself out on a roof somewhere when I needed to clear my head, especially from all the memories from my previous life. 

I subconsciously rested my head on Calum’s shoulder. He slowly reached around me and pulled me into his side. 

I hadn’t kept track of how long we were out there, and really, it didn’t matter to me. 

“It’s a really long story. I’m not sure if you’d want to hear all of it, it gets really intense and graphic along the way.”

He squeezed my arm. “I’m all ears. If at any point you want to stop, you can, but if you want to get it all out, you can do that too.”

I nodded, and took a deep breath, trying to sort out my thoughts and remember what happened in chronological order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, all! So, this chapter was a bit shorter, I started a new job yesterday and it takes up alot of time. 
> 
> So, I'm trying to match this story up to what has happened in real life, both for 5SOS and me. I have had to do so much fact checking to get all the details right, I'm ready to claw my eyes out!
> 
> If there's anything particular you're interested in, please let me know! I've been jotting down notes for one shots as well as where I want this to lead, so if you have any ideas, I'm all ears!
> 
> Please comment, I want to know what is going well, and what can be worked on. I am in no way a professional writer, but i try to put as much effort into my writing as possible. Kudos is also appreciated! Thank you to the three who have already done that!


	5. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a filler chapter. I felt you needed to read it to kind of get where my OC is coming from. i will be making references to all this later, but not much

“I guess it started when my mom and stepdad broke up. I was 16, and in grade 11. I had switched high schools because of bullying and harassment. 

“Wait. Then it didn’t start then, because all the bullying started because I had such a hard time in public school. My mom started pulling me out for assessments, counselling, everything under the sun. The result was so many different diagnosis’. I was diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, a reading disability, (which didn’t make sense to me at the time because all I did was read) a generalized learning disability, and slight dyslexia. 

“When the school started changing based on my learning needs, I was singled out. I was in a small public school, where everyone ends up in the same high school. So, I ended up with everyone that was terrible to me for years. 

“Anyway, I was in grade 11 when they broke up. I found out that my stepdad had been with another woman for years. Funny enough, they got together a couple months after my diagnosis. I stopped trusting people. I started self harming. I stopped eating. I wasn’t the smallest person to begin with, so everyone thought I was just going through my development and didn’t think twice about it. 

“I was fighting with my siblings at home, mainly my 14-year-old sister. She started acting like my stepdad, which was controlling and abusive. Before he left, I was grounded for months at a time for stupid little things, like stepping into the living room with a glass of orange juice to check the weather before going to school. My sister started going off at me saying I was favoured and treated differently because I was retarded.”

I pulled my arms in around myself remembering that Thanksgiving. It was one of the worst memories I had. 

“I finally broke, yelling at her. I said that I didn’t ask for anything, that I didn’t want to be different, that if I could give it away, I could, because then people wouldn’t be treating me like she was. Next thing I knew she had punched me in the jaw. 

“It stayed all through high school. I couldn’t deal with it. I moved out on my own as soon as I graduated, even though I was only seventeen. I ended up at a homeless shelter, where I met my first boyfriend. I know, best place to meet someone. It was on and off for a few months. I finally found an apartment, got on disability, and started singing. I hadn’t done any of that since before all the assessment drama. I found a couple of choirs in the area, and one director kind of adopted me like her own child. She had seven already and took in their friends whenever needed. 

“During all this, I found my biological dad. He hadn’t been in the picture since I was a few weeks old. They don’t know it, but I found out that he had cheated on my mom, too. I had a brother only eleven months younger than me. I had another brother there as well. The year before I found them, my stepmoms oldest passed away. She had diabetes, and near the end she had to go on dialysis. Without telling anyone, she stopped her treatments. She was of age, so the doctors couldn’t stop her, or tell her parents, because of patient confidentiality. I always felt like I was stepping on eggshells whenever I visited. He wasn’t the most supportive either. He’s an alcoholic and doesn’t want to admit it. But when you can drink a couple dozen beers and it doesn’t phase you, there’s an issue.

“A bit after I moved into my own place, my boyfriend started getting really abusive. I couldn’t see family or friends. I stopped going to anything related to music. I stopped doing anything that didn’t relate to him because he was so clingy and needy. Then there was the night where he decided that I still wasn’t giving him enough. I had told him I didn’t want to do anything yet, because I wasn’t ready, but that didn’t stop him. He only wanted what he wanted, didn’t care about anything else. He didn’t stop. He wouldn’t…”

I had to stop to take a deep breath. I found myself falling back into all my memories, and it hurt. It hurt so bad. I only came back to the present when I felt Calum squeeze my shoulder. 

“I can’t put words to what he did. Please don’t make me say it.”

I waited for a response, but didn’t get anything, and assumed I was okay to continue. 

“He left. He left with another person sang with and would constantly rub it in my face. 

“I was letting my depression and anxiety get the better of me. There was a night when I was on Facebook, and I saw really nasty comments about me under an old class picture. How I was unlovable because I never saw how a real relationship worked. How I was the reason the second divorce happened. Because if I wasn’t a mental case, my stepfather wouldn’t have cheated on my mom. How I was the reason that three of my siblings had to go through that nasty year with me. How my brother, who is always so quiet and docile, was so upset that he was throwing up for days because he thought my mom would leave too. That because I had been raped during my only relationship that I was damaged goods and that nobody would want me.

“It was enough to set me off. I found all the pills I could in my apartment and blasted my iPod. I took them all. 

“I finally felt at peace, and was ready to leave, but then a song came on I hadn’t heard before. It was ‘What Makes You Beautiful’. I started listening, and something clicked that I couldn’t do what I had done. That maybe someone out there cared for me the way these guys were describing. But I was too late. 

“The next thing I remembered was being in the hospital, tubes down my throat, IVs in my arms, and my only friend from high school sleeping in the chair beside me. He had been wondering where I was because we hadn’t talked, he hadn’t seen any updates on y social media in weeks, so went by where I lived. He saw me through my patio door, smashed the glass to get to me. He called 911. 

“Somehow I still remembered that song, and I had it on replay while getting counselling and getting my life back together. My friend, Devin, talked with my director, and she somehow made contact with the bands manager. They surprised me one night at practice, and they brought me to Toronto for their concert.

“I’ve been really close with them ever since. They’re like my younger brothers, but not by much. I’m only a month older than Louis. They’ve been with me through a lot of shit, and they’ll probably be there through more. They mean more to me than they’ll ever know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so heavy!


End file.
